To stay or go
by HappyGirl1980
Summary: There is some rule that says every GSR fan must write a post TGTBD story. I have love everyone elses so heres mine.


Gilbert Grissom entered his house quietly he knew she was home her car was parked out front. He'd never felt like this before. Like a criminal about to go before the judge. He'd never been that guy before, the one trying to silently creep in after being someplace he never should have been. True he hadn't touched Lady Heather but he hadn't called Sara either. He wasn't a dumb man, he knew if their situation had been reversed he would be hurt and angry. He compounded his sin, not coming home last night, by being gone late today. He hadn't called today either. He was incapable of walking away from this situation with Heather without trying to reunite her with her Granddaughter. He was sure that if Sara had asked him not to go and he'd ignored her he'd have lost her for good. Some how not calling had seemed to be the only way they had a chance. He looked around the living room patting Bruno absently. Nothing was disturbed, nothing was broken. It's not that he wanted to come home and find the house a shambles but somehow he felt if would have been a better sign. Destruction would have meant she angry he had no clue what utter silence meant.

After standing numbly in the living room his brain finally registered the soft sound of music gently flowing from the bedroom. The lyric where soft, sad.

_There's a danger in loving somebody to much and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust_

She was sitting at the end of the bed in her pajamas. Staring intently at the floor maybe her feet. Even with her head cast down he could make out her puffy red eyes. Across from the bed on a chair was an open suitcase half packed. She hadn't acknowledged his presence yet. He wasn't positive if she was so distracted by her thoughts she hadn't heard him enter or if she was choosing to ignore him. He couldn't take his eyes off that suitcase. It didn't seem real. He knew he screwed-up, he'd always known if this was going to end it would be his fault. Part of him understood that's why he did things like this. Always testing, pushing, experimenting seeing what would be the thing that finally made her leave. The people he loved always left him. He'd spent his whole relationship with her waiting for to get fed up enough to leave him. He thought he'd prepared himself for this moment, but nothing prepares you to die. That's what this would be the death of the world he come to know and love.

Walking across the room he turned off the radio just as the singer crooned _that sometimes love just wasn't enough_.

The music stopping hadn't seemed to bother Sara. She just continued to stare at her feet as if they contained all the secrets in the universe. He knew it was cowardly but he had been hoping she would start this conversation. "Sara umm I never Lady Heather and I. I wouldn't do that to you Sara."

"I know Gil." She said not looking up from her feet. Her tone was completely flat he couldn't tell what she was thinking. He could feel his eyes nervously glance toward her suitcase. He found himself praying for the first time in years. Please God let me find the right words. Please let me find the words that make her stay. I promise, promise after this I'll look after her better. Love her better.

"I asked my Mother once why she didn't just leave my Father. I mean we weren't poor, she wasn't uneducated, and he wasn't the kind of guy that would have tracked to the ends of the earth to kill us." She still didn't look up at him.

"Do you know what she told me?" Her voice sounded so sad.

"No"

"She loved him too much to leave. She knew she should leave him but she just loved him too much. She knew that no matter what he would always be her only love."

He had no words for this. He memorized the words of so many others because in situations like these he never had words of his own.

"All my life I've tried not to be my mother's daughter. You know I've never been in a fight with one of my boyfriend's. Never had an ugly break-up. No matter what happened, no matter what they did I always just walked away with quiet grace. But I always left. No matter what my feelings about the man he if crossed a line no matter how much I cared I always left."

He forgot sometimes that she lost her father too. He spent his whole adult life drowning in the fear that he would lose another person he loved. At least he'd known love. Sara had never had that. Someone who loved her. He was shamed to realize that she hadn't even had his love he never given her all his love. Please God one more chance I promise to love her.

"I finally understand my mother and turns out I am my mother's daughter." Finally Sara rises walking not across the room to her suitcase but to the head of the bed. Drawing back the covers she lowers herself to the bed drawing the covers around her. She lies on her side on the very edge of the bed not facing him and the door but facing away toward the bathroom. He understands two things she is not leaving and she's done talking about this.

It amazed him how different they where. His greatest fear was always he would fall in love with her and she would leave. Her greatest fear was she would fall in love and she wouldn't be able to leave. It turns out she was right. He would love her better. He'd promised. He'd love her better. No more test. Just love.

Shedding his clothes he climbs into bed. Encroaching deeply into her territory, her side of the bed, gathering her close to him he rests his arm across her stomach. He holding his breath for a moment he waits for her reaction. She pauses a moment as if frozen, then settles deeper into his embrace laying her arm on top of his. Using his other arm her strokes her hair. "I love you, Sara."


End file.
